The actual NFL season has not yet started but chances are you've already had your Fantasy Football Draft. How'd you do? Probably not very good unless you checked out my previous articles: 3 Free Fantasy Football Cheat Sheets and the Last Minute Fantasy Football Draft Guide. If you read those, you are going to win this year. I can tell.
So what do you do with your time between your draft and the actual NFL season kick off? Maybe you make a trade or two. If so be sure to submit your trade proposition to our experts for some free guidance. That's what they do. They answer your silly questions and help you not suck. What do I do? I start some serious trash talking.
Trash talking is my favorite part of fantasy football. It's also an integral part for all players involved. It's fun and heightens the excitement of your match up. I've been trash talking since the day I learned to speak. Since this column is for hacks, I figure some of you losers may not know how to trash talk. I was going to create an detailed article so you can become a master of insults, but since you've already read a couple of paragraphs I imagine your head hurts by now. Lucky for me Netflix just sent an e-mail saying another season of The League is now streaming. This made me think. Why not post the best clip so you can just click play instead of straining your eyes reading stupid words. So here you have it. Learn to trash talk with The League:
Are you a lazy fantasy football hack? Well I am. Today is my first draft and I’ve spent more time eating Fruit Loops then actually doing any serious research. If you are a procrastinator and you haven’t yet read my last article, The Last Minute Fantasy Football Draft Guide, then you are in trouble and you are definitely going to need my help. It’s time to pay attention
So it’s literary minutes from draft time. How are you going to kick ass this year? By downloading/printing all 3 of the Best (and free) Fantasy Football Cheat Sheets you can. These cheat sheets are expert consensus from two of the top names in fantasy football, ESPN & FOX Sports. Not sure how legit Fantasy Pros are, but just putting two options for free downloadable cheat sheets would look like crap. Chances are you are just going to start clicking away, so I’ll keep this short.
Now you have these bad boys, it's time to hop in your car (or the bus) and hit your draft. If you can read (which I am hoping you can) these cheat sheet should help you not suck. Next year do a little more planning ahead of time with Trade Fantasy Football.
Did you know football season kicks off in just under 3 weeks? Well, I didn’t know until just now. Fantasy Football drafts are happening right now! My first draft is THIS weekend. I haven’t paid attention to football in three years. The only thing I know is not to pick Tom Brady first (which exactly what I want to do). Are you in the same boat as I am? Do you need a last minute fantasy football draft guide? Well, here it is! (It’s more like 5 tips for lazy hacks who don’t really want to play fantasy football.)
Don't Auto Draft
This seems like I have it backwards. A computer system that’ll do the work for me? Yes please! That is if you really don’t care at ALL about your team or league. You have to at least pretend to care or the suckers you are playing with hate you even more than they already do. So if you can’t auto pick, what should you do?
This is where you have to get your plan in gear. Is everyone you ever met in your fantasy league? If so, stop reading this right now and go make some damn friends. Pick up the phone, snap chat, tweet, send a smoke signal… get a hold of everyone you know and let them to tell you what to do. It’ll most likely be wrong and nobody will agree with anyone else but it’s better than what your dumb ass will come up with. Think of it as a cram session. You did that in school before you dropped out didn't you?
Find A Partner
This is a real hack. Two half asses make a whole ass! Find someone else who only cares a tiny bit about fantasy football and have them go half on a team with you. You then can both call everyone you know and maybe you can agree on something. Maybe you will never be friends again because you both suck at the same thing and only one person can really be the crappiest. If that’s the case, so be it.
Buy A Real Guide (or cheat some more)
Quit being a cheapskate by Googling this non-sense and run out right now and buy a real guide. My league lets me take one with me right to the draft. I have one sitting here right now. I’d open it and read it but I’d rather cram minutes before the draft. Keep in mind, I want to do as little as possible. In fact, I don’t think I will even open this guide. I’ll just use ESPN’s Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet. They get paid to make it, so I imagine it doesn’t suck.
The Hail Mary
So it’s last minute. Obviously you want some real fantasy football advice. Learn these four teams. Packers, Broncos, Colts, and Steelers. These are heavy hitting offensive teams and their players will rack up some serious fantasy points. If you have your fancy $4 guide or the cheat sheet mentioned above you can combine the two and really do... average.
Still not enough for your lazy last minute ass? I’ll post some more prior to my draft. So check back later or follow me on Twitter and I’ll let you know once it’s posted. Now go back to eating your microwave burrito.
The quick answer is mostly men in their late 30s that are employed full time and have a decent amount of disposable income. But that’s not really what I am mean. I want to know what type of people play fantasy football. Why I am seeking an answer? Because I am not the type of guy that actually plays fantasy football. Before I dive in, I’ll give you a little background story.
Three years ago my brother (The Trade Expert) came to me and pitched an idea he had for a business. Creating businesses is my love, and being he is my bro, I had to say yes! Prior to this I had never played fantasy football, or fantasy anything for that matter. I thought I could carry my own column and focus on showing new players the ins and outs. So my first column on this site was dubbed “The Rookie”.
For one whole season I attempted to learn how to be a pro at fantasy football. I had a good time and I learned enough to make it interesting. However, when the next season came around I decided not to continue my column. I wanted to keep a good thing going, but I didn’t have the passion needed to carry on.
So how did I do as The Rookie? I was in three leagues. I did mediocre in two and actually won one. Flush with cash, why didn’t I want to play next season? Many reasons, but that is not what this article is about. I want to highlight the different types of fantasy football participants in hopes to find a theme for my new column in 2015. (Spoiler Alert- You are reading this, it’s the first article on my new column)
So with my mastery ninja like Google skills I did a little research. There are many articles highlighting the types of people in your fantasy football league. They feature any from 6-15 different types of folks. From the spoiler alert above, you know that I already know which type I am. However, lets take a look at a couple of the most common types of team owners that you will most likely encounter.
Every league has to have one. Most of my research shows this is an important job and even worse – a thankless job. Guess what? I am not tying to have another job. So this column will not be from the point of some sucker doing a bunch of crap for free.
There always seems to be at least one, and I think there should be more. The girl typically acts like one of the guys but she’s generally a lot hotter. This year Trade Fantasy Football is actually adding a column from a woman’s perspective. So although I am hot, this will not be my column either.
Finally something I can get behind. This is the guy who says he is on board but doesn’t follow through. His team might be auto-drafted, and he’ll never set his line up. I really like the sounds of this! However, this would be a terrible column, probably one that would never get updated! So, this is not me either.
The Super Star (Reigning Champ)
Not me. Next.
This is the guy who loves his team and will draft all the players he can. This guy will loose and will be proud to do so. So this can’t be me. I don’t have a team and I hate to lose.
I could play this game all day. I am not your typical fantasy football player. You should already know that, you are reading my column. So I decided to invent a new type of player and if you follow along, you can be this type of player too. I’d like to introduce – The Hack!
What is a fantasy football hack? The word “hack” has two different meanings. So which am I? Well… both! The most known definition of hack means someone who sucks at what they do. They are terrible and mess things up. Maybe they are lazy? Sounds like a crappy column doesn’t it? Not if you take a look at the new definition of hack. If you are under 50, hack now means a short cut, a cheat. So I plan to combine the two. I will work as little as I can, and cheat as much as I can, and hopefully be victorious. How will I achieve this?
You will have to follow along to see.
What’s a hack? It can describe someone who does crappy work. They don’t care enough to give it their best. Unfortunately (or fortunately for me) there are tons of folks who play fantasy that are hacks. The other meaning of hack is a way to do things a little easier, not always the right way, but easier for sure. My column incorporates both uses of the word. I’m going to show you how to win by doing the least amount of work. Follow along as I highlight fantasy football tips, tricks, and cheats.